Close but never Connected.

We passed each other by the gate, barely exchanging pleasantries.

“When did we get here?” I thought to myself. You see,the person I had just walked past was someone I had called “best friend” for at least 4 years.

But the thing was I had made the mistake of assuming I held that space in her life. I got to know her whilst we were in 100 level. I quickly bonded with her because we share the same birth date and year…which is something that thrills me(silly,I know)

Also she's a christian, which is a bonus. But Friendship is not by sharing a birthday, I'd soon get to learn that.

You know the saying that goes “everyone is your friend until you know, life happens” quickly became a phrase that dawned on me early this year.

You see, a couple of activities (I'd call them cataclysms) happened in my life this year and it was like a nuclear bomb because after it happened, there were aftereffects of the incidents that smeared my everyday life,disrupted already structured goals I had set(and already begun executing).

I felt battered and trodden…the pain,I can't explain.

Now my mistake(my mistake, I'll admit) was I didn't this friend of mine as I was hoping that from deducing my body language,facial expression and lack of presence on our mini-social media, she'd reach out and ask what was wrong.

Boy,was I wrong? Not only did she fail to see,when I'd finally told her,the response I got made me realize I had invested about 4 years of my life into the wrong relationship.

It was then,my eyes began to clear,all the “red flags” I should have seen but failed to acknowledge. How that for the past four years, I'd invest my time,my emotions, energy and sometimes resources into the friendship but we never simply connected on that ‘level’.

It would seem that no matter how I tried, there was this chasm between us.

It was when these ‘cataclysms’ occured did I realize…she never needed a ‘best friend’.

Something had happened in her life in the past that caused she and her sisters to become extremely close-knit…there was no space for a best friend.

I didn't see it until recently.

No,I don't resent her for it…for the most part, anyway.

It was mostly my fault,not seeing it on time. I'm coming to the end of my time in my tertiary education journey and I regret that I just might have the prime times of my school years in the wrong connection ( this is not to say she's the only connection I made…i’m happy to say that even in this last year,I have had the privilege to become friends with some of the most valuable people I've ever met)

But I believe moving forward,the holy Spirit begins to bring to my path, purpose-driven, value-filled, loving friends that we'd connect and live for Abba together.

The lesson I hope to draw from this situation of mine to give you is…be extremely mindful when choosing close friends (not acquaintances, close friends).

Don't choose based on assumptions. Do their values align with yours? Do you share similar purpose or plans for life? Don't force things…I've had to learn the hard way.

We don't often realize how important the space of a best(or closest friend) is in our lives until we put the wrong person there. There's an adage that says “ you're a reflection of the closest 5 people in your life”.

When you try working out a closer relationship with someone and you seem to strive everytime,just drop it…as I should have. Ask God to bring you people of purpose and value that you'll truly connect with.

Also ask him to help you to become a person of value and purpose too,so that when these people come…when that friend comes, you'll be equally yoked. Not one person being a burden on the other.

I hope this blesses you today.